Resisting Rest: Why We Stay Awake When We Know We Want to Sleep
Resisting Rest: Why We Stay Awake When We Know We Want to Sleep
You’re exhausted. You’ve been thinking about sleep since dinner. But now that the day is ending, something in you resists it. You feel yourself delaying — doing small tasks, watching something numbing, scrolling even though it doesn’t feel good. You’re aware that sleep would help. And still, you stay up.
If this cycle feels familiar, you’re not alone. And more importantly, this isn’t about laziness or a lack of discipline. The urge to resist rest is often a meaningful signal from your nervous system, not a failure of willpower. In this post, we’ll explore what might be happening beneath the surface — and how to begin working with it, rather than against it.
What Is Bedtime Resistance?
Bedtime resistance (sometimes called “revenge bedtime procrastination”) refers to the pattern of staying up later than intended, even when you’re tired and know you’ll suffer for it the next day. It’s often seen as self-sabotage. But in trauma-informed therapy, we look deeper.
Underneath this behaviour is often a part of you trying to reclaim something: autonomy, stillness, unprocessed emotion, or even the chance to exist without anyone else needing something from you.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) and attachment-based therapies offer a way to explore this without shame. The part of you resisting rest might be:
A protector who associates nighttime with vulnerability or loneliness
A young part who didn’t get to play or unwind during the day
A hypervigilant part who doesn’t feel safe enough to let go
A resentful part reclaiming control in the only space left — the hours when no one is watching.
Why the Nervous System Struggles to Settle
From a somatic perspective, your body may not actually feel ready to rest. Even if your mind is tired, your nervous system might still be in a mobilized state (sympathetic activation). This can show up as:
Restlessness
Anxiety or racing thoughts
Hyperfocus on tasks or screens
Emotional activation you didn’t have time to process earlier
When the body hasn’t had a chance to discharge stress or receive co-regulation, sleep can feel threatening. Even if it’s what we need most.
You might notice your window of tolerance has narrowed by the evening, making even simple transitions feel hard. This is especially common in clients who’ve experienced trauma, burnout, or emotional neglect.
Staying Up as a Form of Self-Protection
For some people, nighttime was never safe. Others grew up in environments where the only privacy, peace, or self-expression came in the late hours.
Delaying bedtime can be an unconscious attempt to reclaim that space, even at the cost of rest.
You might hear parts of you say:
“This is the only time that’s mine.”
“If I sleep, tomorrow starts — and I’m not ready.”
“The day went too fast, and I didn’t get what I needed.”
“I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts yet.”
These are not failures. They are signs of unmet needs and unintegrated adaptations that once helped you cope.
How Trauma Therapy Can Help
Therapy offers a space to explore these dynamics with compassion and curiosity. You don’t need to force yourself into rest. You can begin by understanding what you’re resisting and why.
Approaches like EMDR, IFS, AEDP, and somatic therapy help clients build capacity for rest by:
Identifying and soothing protective parts that resist sleep
Helping the nervous system complete stress cycles
Cultivating a felt sense of safety in the body
Exploring grief, unmet needs, and nighttime associations
Creating new rituals and rhythms that invite rather than force rest
Gentle Shifts You Can Try Tonight
You don’t need to overhaul your habits overnight. Try meeting yourself where you are with these trauma-informed experiments:
Name the Part — Gently identify who’s staying up. What do they need? Can you acknowledge them without abandoning yourself?
Transition Rituals — Create a small embodied ritual to mark the end of the day. This might include dimming lights, rubbing lotion into your hands, slow exhales, or a short walk.
Body Before Bed — Use somatic tools like gentle stretching, bilateral tapping, or self-holding to downshift your system.
Adjust the Goal — Instead of forcing sleep, try aiming for quiet rest. Let your body arrive without pressure.
You’re not failing. You’re adapting. And you can learn to shift that adaptation with support.
If This Is a Pattern for You
Resisting rest doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means something in you is still working hard, even at night. If you’re curious about what that something might be, therapy can help you explore it safely, at your own pace.
Book a Free Consult or Appointment
If you’re ready to better understand the patterns that keep you stuck — including those that show up after dark —book a free consult or appointment. We’ll help you connect with a therapist who can walk beside you.
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Disclaimer: The content on this website is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or mental health advice. It is not a substitute for professional care. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.