Why You Stay Awake When You're Exhausted: A Trauma-Informed Look at Bedtime Resistance
When You’re Tired, But Still Can’t Sleep
You’ve been thinking about rest all day. You’re emotionally and physically drained. But when the time finally comes to sleep, something inside you resists. You start scrolling, tidying, watching something numbing, or picking up one more task. You know it’s not helping. But still, you stay up.
If this pattern feels familiar, you’re not alone. And you’re not lazy. This is not a failure of willpower. Bedtime resistance is often your nervous system communicating something important.
At Tidal Trauma Centre, we see this often in clients who’ve experienced chronic stress, burnout, or trauma. When rest feels unsafe, unreachable, or unfamiliar, your system may avoid it even while craving it.
What Is Bedtime Resistance?
Bedtime resistance, also called “revenge bedtime procrastination,” is the pattern of delaying sleep even when you're tired and aware it will affect you the next day. But from a trauma-informed perspective, this is rarely about rebellion or poor discipline. It often reflects deeper emotional needs or unresolved survival patterns.
Here’s what bedtime resistance might be trying to say:
“This is the only time that feels like mine.”
“If I go to bed, tomorrow begins, and I’m not ready.”
“I didn’t get what I needed from today.”
“It’s too quiet. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.”
These aren’t excuses. They’re signals. They point to parts of you that may be overwhelmed, under-supported, or still carrying emotional weight from earlier in life.
Why the Nervous System Struggles to Settle
Even if your mind knows it's time for rest, your body might still be holding stress or tension. This is especially true for people whose nervous systems are often in a mobilized (sympathetic) state, vigilant, activated, or frozen.
Signs your body hasn’t downshifted yet:
Restlessness or fidgeting
Racing thoughts or emotional loops
Hyperfocus on screens, tasks, or distractions
Irritability or resistance to transition
Feeling “tired but wired”
This isn’t your fault. When the nervous system doesn’t have enough co-regulation or time to complete stress cycles during the day, it can stay stuck in activation, even when you're begging for sleep.
For some clients, this pattern is rooted in early experiences of unsafe nighttime environments, whether due to neglect, conflict, fear, or lack of emotional attunement. In these cases, sleep is not neutral. It can feel emotionally charged, vulnerable, or even threatening.
The Parts of You That Stay Awake
In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we explore these internal conflicts with compassion. You may have a part that knows rest is good for you and another part that resists it at all costs. Both are trying to help in their own way.
Common “protector” parts we see in bedtime resistance include:
A hypervigilant part that stays alert in case something goes wrong
A rebellious part that reclaims control in the only quiet hours available
A younger part that missed play, connection, or safety during the day
A numbing part that uses screens or tasks to avoid overwhelming feelings
You don’t have to get rid of these parts. They’re adaptive. In therapy, we help you understand what each part is trying to do and find gentler ways to meet those needs.
Trauma-Informed Tools to Help You Wind Down Tonight
You don’t have to overhaul your bedtime routine overnight. But you can start shifting your system with gentle, body-aware practices that meet you where you are.
Here are a few trauma-informed options to try:
Name the Part: Notice which part of you is resisting sleep. Is it playful? Frustrated? Protective? Instead of forcing it away, try acknowledging it. “I see you. I know you’re trying to help me.”
Transition Rituals: Create a small ritual to close the day. It might include dimming the lights, changing into soft clothing, rubbing lotion into your hands, or stepping outside for fresh air. These cues help your body understand: it’s time to shift.
Body Before Bed: Use simple somatic tools to down-regulate your system. Try slow, conscious breathing, gentle stretching, bilateral tapping, or placing one hand on your chest and one on your belly.
Adjust the Goal: Instead of pushing for perfect sleep, aim for quiet rest. Give yourself permission to just lie down without pressure. Resting is valuable even if sleep doesn’t come immediately.
How Trauma Therapy Can Help
If this pattern shows up often, therapy can help you move beyond surface-level solutions and explore the emotional and physiological roots of your resistance to rest.
At Tidal Trauma Centre, our team works with approaches that meet the body, mind, and nervous system:
IFS Therapy helps identify and soothe protective parts that stay active at night
Somatic and body-based approaches guide the nervous system toward safety and down-regulation
EMDR and AEDP support clients in releasing stored distress and building emotional trust in stillness
You don’t need to talk through everything. Therapy can be gentle, experiential, and focused on building the right internal conditions for rest to become possible.
Ready to Understand What’s Keeping You Awake?
You’re not broken. You’re adapting. And you can learn to shift that adaptation slowly, safely, and with support.
Contact us or fill out a New Client Form to be matched with one or more of our therapists.
If you’re ready, book a free consult or appointment, online or in person.
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Often, your nervous system hasn’t fully shifted into a restful state. You may be carrying stress, emotional weight, or unresolved needs from the day. Bedtime resistance is frequently a form of self-protection, not sabotage.
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Yes. Especially when sleep difficulties are linked to trauma, emotional overwhelm, or nervous system dysregulation. Therapy can help your body feel safe enough to settle and guide you in creating sustainable rituals.
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That’s okay. Many of the approaches we use, like IFS and somatic therapy allow you to work with the present moment, the body, and the parts of you that are active right now, without having to revisit every detail of the past.
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Disclaimer: The content on this website is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or mental health advice. It is not a substitute for professional care. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.