Why We Resist Doing What We Want to Do
The Paradox of Wanting and Withholding
You know the thing would help. The walk. The journaling. The call. The creative project. The stretch.
You might even crave it. You imagine how good it would feel on the other side.
And still, you don’t do it.
This kind of resistance often gets misunderstood as laziness, flakiness, or poor discipline. But from a therapist’s perspective, resistance is rarely a moral failure. More often, it’s a protective response.
We avoid what we want when part of us doesn’t believe it’s safe, possible, or allowed. And the more we care about the thing, the scarier it can feel to try.
Common Reasons We Resist
There’s no single root cause, but here are some of the most common dynamics that show up in therapy:
Perfectionism: If it can’t be done perfectly, why do it at all? Perfectionism often masks deep fear, fear of criticism, failure, or being seen. It creates a fragile standard that makes starting feel impossible.
Fear of Overwhelm: Even when the task is small, your body might register it as “too much.” This is especially true for folks with ADHD, trauma histories, or sensory sensitivities. Overwhelm doesn’t always look like panic, sometimes it’s shutdown, scrolling, or avoiding the to-do list completely.
Fear of Success or Visibility: Sometimes we fear having the thing even more than we fear not having it. Success, stability, being seen, these can all feel vulnerable if you’ve never known them to be safe or sustainable.
Old Narratives & Internalized Scripts: “I don’t deserve that.”, “Someone like me can’t have that.”, “I won’t follow through, so why try?”. These beliefs may be quiet, but they’re powerful. And they often come from earlier life experiences that shaped how we relate to effort, reward, and worthiness.
Gentle Strategies for Working With Resistance
The goal isn’t to “override” the resistance, but to work with it in a compassionate and body-aware way.
Here are a few starting points:
Break it into Micro-Actions: Ask: What’s the tiniest next step I can take? If “go for a walk” feels impossible, “put on shoes” might be your starting line.
Set A Timer: Give yourself five minutes. That’s it. Often, the hardest part is starting. Five minutes counts. And you can stop after.
Find An Anchor Person: Name the thing you want to do, out loud, to someone safe. “I want to move my body today.” “I’m trying to write again.” Letting someone else witness your intention can reduce shame and increase momentum.
Normalize Discomfort: It’s okay if starting feels awkward or clunky. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong , it means you’re stretching into something unfamiliar. Resistance isn’t a stop sign. Sometimes, it’s a threshold.
When Gentle Isn’t Enough
If you’ve tried the productivity hacks, read the books, and downloaded the habit trackers… and still find yourself frozen, you’re not failing. You may be brushing up against something deeper. Something nervous-system based. Something from your past that your body still remembers.
Sometimes, resistance is a trauma-informed adaptation. It’s your system trying to keep you safe based on what it learned long ago. And in those cases, we need more than tips, we need tools that work with your physiology, not against it.
That’s where we’ll go next.
➡️ Part 2: When Resistance Is Deeper: A Nervous System and Trauma-Informed Lens
Let Yourself Be Met in a New Way
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That’s incredibly common. Motivation doesn’t always come before action and resistance isn’t a sign you don’t care. It might be a sign that deeper parts of you are feeling unsafe.
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Sometimes, but not always. Avoidance often has emotional roots. A therapist can help you explore whether perfectionism, fear, or past experiences are playing a role.
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It sounds simple, but yes. Micro-actions bypass the part of your brain that sees the big picture as too much. They help you build trust with your nervous system.
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Disclaimer: The content on this website is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or mental health advice. It is not a substitute for professional care. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.