What Trauma Therapy Taught Me About Self-Care
Before trauma therapy, I thought self-care meant doing things that looked good from the outside. I had the checklist: drink water, move your body, take a bath, journal. I could name all the right things. But something wasn’t landing. Underneath the rituals was a quiet hum of pressure. I didn’t feel cared for, I felt managed.
Trauma therapy changed that. Not in a single moment, but slowly. Gently. Through moments of rupture and repair. Through witnessing my own protective patterns, not as flaws but as forms of intelligence. Through learning to feel safe with myself, again and again.
This post is not a list of self-care tips. It’s an invitation to explore how your relationship to care might change when shame is removed, and your nervous system is included.
What Looked Like Self-Care Was Often Self-Control
I used to be praised for how “disciplined” I was. I was good at pushing through. I could ignore hunger, override fatigue, and delay rest in the name of getting things done. My routines looked impressive. But they weren’t sustainable.
When I first entered trauma therapy, I felt guilty for needing anything at all. Rest felt dangerous. Receiving help felt exposing. Slowing down made me feel like I might fall apart.
Looking back, I wasn’t caring for myself. I was managing myself. Containing what felt too big. Avoiding the grief and fear underneath.
Trauma Therapy Didn’t Tell Me to Try Harder. It Showed Me How to Soften.
The shift didn’t come from motivation. It came from co-regulation. From being in a room where my exhaustion wasn’t questioned. Where my numbing made sense. Where my symptoms were treated as adaptations, not evidence of failure.
Bit by bit, I learned to listen for what was underneath the pattern.
Under avoidance: fear
Under shutdown: overwhelm
Under perfectionism: terror of being “too much”
Instead of strategizing my way out, I learned how to stay with myself inside it.
This is what trauma-informed care does. It meets the nervous system where it is. Not with a fix, but with presence.
I Stopped Asking “What’s Wrong With Me?”
And Started Asking “What Does This Part of Me Need?”
This is perhaps the most profound change. When I feel resistance now, I don’t immediately override it. I don’t rush to optimize. I ask. I listen.
Sometimes the answer is water. Sometimes it’s grief. Sometimes it’s to pause without trying to figure anything out.
This is care that isn’t performative. It’s responsive. It’s rooted in relationship, not rules.
I Relearned Rest, Not as a Reward, But as a Right
In trauma recovery, rest often feels like the final frontier. When you’ve been in survival mode for years, resting can feel unnatural. Unproductive. Unsafe.
But slowly, through somatic work and nervous system tracking, I began to notice moments of settling. Not sleep. Not numbing. Actual settling, that rare feeling of not needing to defend or perform or anticipate.
And then I began to protect it. Not just allow it.
Self-Care That Includes the Self
Trauma therapy taught me that care isn’t a checklist. It’s a relationship with your body, your parts, your needs, and your history.
It’s not always soothing. Sometimes it’s messy and full of grief. But it’s real. And it’s yours.
If your current self-care feels like pressure or punishment, you’re not doing it wrong. You might just be ready for something deeper. And therapy can help you find it.
Fill out a New Client Form to get matched with one or more of our counsellors. If you’re ready, book a free consult or appointment today.
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Yes. When care has historically been unsafe or absent, receiving it, even from yourself, can feel threatening. Resistance is often a sign that your system is protecting something important.
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Rather than pushing you to do more, trauma therapy helps you understand your patterns. It supports your nervous system in feeling safer, so acts of care feel possible instead of overwhelming.
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No. You don’t need to have it all figured out. If you’re willing to be curious, even a little bit, that’s enough to begin.
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Approaches like Somatic Therapy, IFS Therapy, EMDR, and attachment-based work are all designed to support this kind of slow, embodied care.
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Disclaimer: The content on this website is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or mental health advice. It is not a substitute for professional care. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.