“Holy Hurt”: Healing after Religious Trauma

Reclaim your voice, your worth, and your relationship with self after spiritual harm.

There is a unique kind of pain that comes from being harmed under the guise of love, morality, or salvation. Religious trauma often exists in silence, hidden behind shame or spiritual bypassing.

Whether you were raised within a rigid faith system, experienced excommunication, or faced coercive control masked as care, your story deserves to be witnessed with compassion.

At Tidal Trauma Centre in Surrey, our trauma therapists offer a grounded, non-pathologizing space to explore, deconstruct, and heal from religious and spiritual trauma.

We deeply appreciate the pioneering work of Dr. Hillary McBride, whose book "Holy Hurt: A Guide to Healing from Religious Trauma" provides a compassionate framework for understanding the unique layers of religious trauma. Dr. McBride writes that “religious trauma is not a failure of faith, but often the result of abusive systems and distorted beliefs that disconnect people from their own sense of worth and agency.” We hold that same philosophy in the work we do with our clients.

We work alongside you to untangle harmful beliefs, grieve losses, and restore trust in yourself and your body.

What Is Religious Trauma?

Religious trauma refers to the lasting psychological, emotional, and somatic impact of harmful spiritual or religious experiences. This can include fear-based teachings, coercive control, purity culture, exclusion, or abuse by religious leaders.

As described by Dr. McBride in Holy Hurt, this trauma often manifests when individuals are forced to abandon their authenticity or autonomy to belong within a rigid belief system.

This may include:

• Fear-based teachings

• Coercive control

• Exclusion or spiritual shaming

• Abuse by religious leaders

• Suppression of identity or critical thinking

It’s often layered, especially for those who felt pressured to suppress parts of themselves—like sexuality, critical thinking, or autonomy—in order to belong or be “saved.”

Common Emotional and Psychological Effects of Religious Trauma

• Chronic guilt, shame, or fear of punishment

• Anxiety or panic when questioning beliefs

• Difficulty making decisions without external “authority”

• Deep grief over lost community or identity

• Hypervigilance, especially around morality or sin

• Dissociation, disembodiment, or fear of your own body

• Struggles with trust—both with others and with yourself

Navigating Shame, Fear, and Identity After Leaving High-Control Religion

The decision to question, leave, or deconstruct religious beliefs can feel disorienting and isolating. It often brings relief alongside fear, grief, and identity confusion.

Our Surrey counsellors recognize that what you are experiencing is a valid trauma response to coercive systems. You are not broken. Through trauma therapy, we support you in separating imposed beliefs from your emerging truth, rebuilding internal trust, and redefining meaning on your terms.

Therapy can help you untangle what was taught from what’s true for you. You’ll have space to rebuild meaning, redefine your values, and begin trusting your own inner compass again.

Trauma-Informed Approachs to Religious Trauma

EMDR Therapy for Traumatic Impacts- EMDR can help reprocess painful memories—like public shaming, spiritual abuse, or being told your worth was conditional. It allows you to access and reframe beliefs that have been stuck in survival mode.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) for Deconstructing Beliefs - IFS therapy helps you meet the parts of you still carrying fear, judgment, or shame from past teachings. By unblending from these parts, you can foster internal safety and choose new ways of relating to yourself and the world.

Somatic Therapy for Reconnecting with the Body - Religious trauma often involves disembodiment—especially if you were taught to distrust your body, desires, or emotions. Somatic therapy supports nervous system regulation and helps you feel safe in your body again.

You’re Allowed to Heal on Your Own Terms

Healing from religious trauma does not require you to abandon spirituality—unless that feels right for you. As Dr. McBride reminds readers in Holy Hurt, the goal is not to replace one set of rigid beliefs with another, but to move toward an internal sense of trust, meaning, and wholeness.

With our online therapists and Surrey counsellors you will never be judged, evangelized, or pathologized for your experiences. You are offered space to be seen, heard, and supported with care and respect.

You deserve a space where you’re not judged, diagnosed, or evangelized. Just seen. Heard. And met with care.

Surrey-Based Therapists Trained in Spiritual Trauma Work

Our clinicians understand the complexity of religious and spiritual harm. Many of us have worked with clients navigating:

• Deconstruction after evangelical or fundamentalist upbringings

• Grief after leaving high-control spiritual communities

• Religious trauma and LGBTQ+ identity conflict

• Moral injury from religious leadership roles

We serve clients in Surrey and Langley—and offer virtual therapy throughout British Columbia.

Book a Free Consult for Religious Trauma Therapy

If you're ready to explore your story with someone who truly understands, we’d be honoured to support you.

📍 In-person in Cloverdale, Surrey

💻 Online therapy available across BC

🔑 Safe, non-pathologizing support for spiritual wounds

FAQs About Healing from Religious Trauma

Q: What exactly is religious trauma?

A: Religious trauma is the lasting impact of harmful experiences within a religious or spiritual context. This could be emotional abuse, control, shaming, fear-based teachings, or rejection. It often affects how people see themselves, their worth, and their ability to trust. It’s not just “church hurt”—it’s trauma that can shape nervous system responses and core beliefs.

Q: Is it okay to still be spiritual while processing religious trauma?

A: Absolutely. Healing from religious trauma doesn’t mean abandoning spirituality—it means having the freedom to redefine it. Some clients maintain a deep connection to faith. Others need distance. Our therapists will never push a belief system or path. Therapy is about helping you make meaning in a way that feels safe and authentic.

Q: I’ve left my religion, but I still feel afraid. Why?

A: Trauma lives in the body—not just the mind. Even if you’ve left a harmful community, your nervous system may still associate questioning or changing beliefs with danger. Therapy can help you work through these fear responses and begin to feel safer in your choices and identity.

Q: What’s the difference between spiritual trauma and religious trauma?

A: They often overlap, but spiritual trauma can also occur outside formal religion—for example, in new age or alternative wellness spaces. Religious trauma is typically tied to organized faith structures. Regardless of origin, both deserve care and healing, and our team is trained to support either.

Q: Will I be judged for my current beliefs (or lack of them)?

A: Never. At Tidal Trauma Centre, we respect and affirm every person’s spiritual journey—or their choice not to have one. You won’t be pathologized for your beliefs, and you’ll never be pressured to forgive, reconcile, or “find faith” again. Your story is yours.

Q: Can therapy help me talk to my family about leaving religion?

A: Yes. Many clients seek therapy to prepare for hard conversations with religious loved ones. Therapy can help you clarify your needs, set boundaries, and grieve the loss of connection—while staying grounded in your truth. We’ll support you in navigating these relationships with as much clarity and compassion as possible.

Disclaimer: The content on this website is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or mental health advice. It is not a substitute for professional care. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.