When You Feel Pulled in Opposite Directions: How IFS Therapy Helps With Inner Conflict
Many people seek therapy because they feel stuck in a constant internal tug-of-war. One part of you wants change. Another part resists it. You may feel motivated to take a step forward and then find yourself shutting down hours or days later.
You might want rest but feel uneasy or guilty when you slow down. You might crave closeness while also feeling the urge to pull away. You might know what you want logically, yet feel unable to act on it.
This kind of inner conflict can feel exhausting and confusing. It often leads people to blame themselves for being indecisive, avoidant, or inconsistent.
In Internal Family Systems therapy, inner conflict is not seen as a lack of willpower or commitment. It is understood as different protective parts pulling in opposite directions for valid reasons.
Why Inner Conflict Develops
Inner conflict often forms when different needs had to compete for safety earlier in life.
One part of you may have learned that staying careful, compliant, or quiet reduced risk. Another part may have learned that pushing forward, performing, or staying productive created stability or approval. When both strategies remain active, they can clash.
This does not mean you are broken or doing something wrong. It means your internal system adapted in layered and intelligent ways.
What Inner Conflict Looks Like Day to Day
Inner conflict is often subtle and familiar.
You may feel relief when plans are canceled and then criticize yourself for that relief. You may book therapy, feel hopeful, and then feel a sudden urge to cancel. You may wake up motivated, start your day strong, and feel inexplicably drained or resistant by afternoon.
You might feel torn between logic and emotion, or between what you want and what feels allowed.
These patterns are not failures of discipline. They are signals that different parts of you are trying to protect you in different ways.
The IFS View of Conflicting Parts
In IFS therapy, inner conflict is understood as a relationship between parts.
Each part has its own perspective, fears, and goals. One part may push for change, independence, or growth. Another part may prioritize safety, rest, or emotional protection.
When these parts do not understand each other’s intentions, they tend to escalate. The pushing part becomes more forceful. The resisting part becomes more entrenched.
This creates a cycle where movement feels impossible.
What Vulnerable Parts Are Being Protected
Conflicting parts are usually organized around protecting more vulnerable feelings beneath the surface.
These vulnerable parts often carry emotions such as fear of failure, shame, grief, or a sense of being too much or not enough. When these feelings feel close to awareness, protective parts polarize more strongly.
The push-forward part tries to outrun vulnerability. The hold-back part tries to prevent exposure.
Neither part is wrong. Both are trying to keep you safe.
Why Forcing a Decision Rarely Resolves Conflict
Many people try to resolve inner conflict by choosing one side and overriding the other.
You may try to push yourself forward despite resistance or shame the part that wants to slow down. This can work temporarily, but often leads to burnout, anxiety, or collapse later.
IFS therapy recognizes that lasting change does not come from overpowering parts. It comes from helping parts feel safe enough to relax their roles.
How IFS Therapy Helps Resolve Inner Conflict
IFS therapy helps you step out of the internal battle and into a position of leadership.
Rather than identifying with one part, you learn to relate to your parts from a grounded, calm state called Self energy. From this place, you can listen to each part without being overwhelmed or controlled by it.
When parts feel understood rather than argued with, they often soften. They no longer need to pull as hard.
This allows collaboration to replace conflict.
What Shifts When Parts Begin to Trust Each Other
As inner conflict eases, many people notice a sense of internal relief.
Decisions feel clearer. Resistance loses its intensity. Movement becomes possible without force. You may still feel mixed emotions, but they no longer cancel each other out.
Instead of feeling divided, you feel more internally aligned.
This does not mean every decision becomes easy. It means you are no longer at war with yourself.
Inner Conflict and the Nervous System
Inner conflict often reflects nervous system tension.
One part may be oriented toward action and mobilization. Another may be oriented toward protection and withdrawal. When these states compete, the nervous system can remain stuck in chronic activation or shutdown.
IFS therapy supports regulation by helping parts feel safer internally. As internal safety increases, the nervous system becomes more flexible and responsive.
Why Insight Alone Often Is Not Enough
Many people understand why they feel conflicted. They know their history and patterns.
Yet understanding alone rarely changes how parts relate to each other.
IFS therapy works with the internal system itself, not just the story about it. Change happens through relationship, not persuasion or pressure.
IFS Therapy in Surrey and Cloverdale
At Tidal Trauma Centre, we offer IFS Therapy in Surrey as part of a trauma-informed, relational approach to counselling. Therapy is paced carefully and respects the protective roles your internal parts play.
Our Cloverdale Surrey office is easily accessible from Langley, Delta, and White Rock. Online IFS therapy is also available across British Columbia.
When You Are Tired of Being Pulled Apart
If you feel caught between competing urges and stuck in cycles of effort and resistance, IFS therapy can help you understand what each part is trying to protect. Many people seek therapy not to force decisions, but to move forward without internal battle.
Contact us or fill out a New Client Form to be matched with one or more of our therapists. If you’re ready, book a free consult or appointment.
-
Not necessarily. Inner conflict usually reflects competing protective needs rather than avoidance.
-
No. IFS therapy focuses on understanding and integration. Decisions often emerge naturally as conflict softens.
-
Strong polarization is common. Therapy helps parts feel safer and less reactive toward each other over time.
-
Yes. IFS therapy is particularly helpful for chronic ambivalence, avoidance, and cycles of effort followed by shutdown.
You Might Also Be Interested In:
Blogs
Why Avoidance Isn’t Laziness: IFS and Understanding Inner Protectors
When You Feel Like You’re Sabotaging Yourself: IFS and Internal Conflict
Why Self-Criticism Feels So Loud (and How IFS Therapy Works With It)
Services
Disclaimer: The content on this website is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or mental health advice. It is not a substitute for professional care. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.