Why Self-Criticism Feels So Loud (and How IFS Therapy Works With It)
For many people, self-criticism feels relentless. It comments on how you work, how you rest, how you feel, and how you show up in relationships. It often appears quickly and with intensity, especially when you make a mistake, slow down, or try something new.
You may understand intellectually that being hard on yourself is not helpful. You may have tried to replace critical thoughts with kinder ones, only to find the critic getting louder, sharper, or more convincing.
This can feel frustrating and exhausting.
In Internal Family Systems therapy, self-criticism is not treated as a flaw to eliminate. It is understood as a protective part of you that learned to speak loudly for a reason.
Why Self-Criticism Does Not Respond to Reassurance
Many people try to manage self-criticism by arguing with it. You tell yourself to be nicer, more compassionate, or more reasonable. Sometimes this brings brief relief. Often, it does not.
From an IFS perspective, this makes sense. Self-criticism is not simply a habit of thought. It is an internal part with a job to do. When you try to silence it or override it with logic, that part often feels threatened.
When protectors feel threatened, they tend to increase their intensity rather than soften.
This is why self-criticism often spikes during moments of vulnerability, rest, success, or emotional openness. The critic is responding to perceived risk, not to your reasoning.
The Protective Role of the Inner Critic
In IFS therapy, the inner critic is usually understood as a protector.
For many people, this part developed early in life. It may have formed in response to criticism, high expectations, emotional unpredictability, or environments where mistakes carried consequences. Being hard on yourself may have once reduced risk, prevented rejection, or helped you stay in control.
Even when the critic sounds cruel, its intention is usually protection. It believes that if it stays vigilant, demanding, or harsh, something worse can be avoided.
This does not mean the critic is accurate. It means it is trying to help using outdated strategies.
Why the Critic Feels So Loud and Urgent
Self-critical parts often speak with urgency. They may interrupt your thoughts, attack your character rather than your behaviour, or show up immediately after rest, pleasure, or emotional expression.
This urgency usually reflects fear.
In IFS, protectors like the inner critic are often working to keep more vulnerable parts of you out of awareness. These vulnerable parts, often called exiles, carry emotions such as shame, sadness, fear, or worthlessness.
Exiles are not weak or broken parts. They are parts of you that learned it was not safe to be seen or felt at certain points in your life.
The critic works hard to prevent those feelings from surfacing. When it senses danger, it raises its volume.
How Exiles Show Up in Everyday Life
Even if you are unfamiliar with IFS language, you may recognize how exiles show up.
They are often present in moments when you feel suddenly small, embarrassed, exposed, or deeply self-doubting. You might feel a drop in your stomach after feedback, a wave of shame after resting, or a sense of being fundamentally inadequate after a minor mistake.
The critic often rushes in to cover these feelings with harsh commentary. Its goal is not to hurt you. Its goal is to keep those vulnerable emotions from being fully felt.
How IFS Therapy Works With Self-Criticism
IFS therapy does not aim to get rid of the inner critic.
Instead, therapy focuses on changing your relationship with it. This begins by approaching the critic with curiosity rather than resistance. When the critic feels understood rather than attacked, it often softens.
IFS helps you access Self energy, a state of calm, clarity, and grounded presence that exists beneath protective patterns. From this place, you can listen to the critic without being overwhelmed or controlled by it.
Over time, the critic no longer needs to work as hard.
What Changes When the Critic Is No Longer in Charge
As IFS therapy progresses, many people notice that self-criticism loses its intensity. It may still appear, but it no longer dominates internal experience.
Instead of feeling constantly under attack, you begin to understand what the critic is afraid of. This creates space for choice. You can respond rather than react.
People often report reduced shame, greater emotional flexibility, and an increased sense of internal steadiness. These changes emerge naturally as internal safety increases.
Why Self-Compassion Alone Often Falls Short
Self-compassion practices can be helpful, but for people with strong inner critics, they can feel inaccessible or even irritating.
IFS therapy recognizes that compassion cannot be forced. When protective parts feel unsafe, they will resist it. By working directly with the critic and the parts it protects, compassion becomes a result of safety rather than a technique you have to apply.
This is one of the ways IFS differs from purely cognitive or compassion-based approaches.
How IFS Therapy Fits Within a Trauma-Informed Approach
IFS therapy is especially effective when integrated into a broader trauma-informed framework.
At Tidal Trauma Centre, IFS is often combined with somatic therapy, EMDR, AEDP, and Emotion-Focused Therapy. These approaches support nervous system regulation, emotional safety, and relational repair alongside parts-based work.
IFS therapy works with your internal system rather than trying to override it.
IFS Therapy in Surrey and Cloverdale
We offer IFS Therapy in Surrey as part of a relational, trauma-informed approach to counselling. Therapy is paced carefully and respects the protective roles your internal parts play.
Our Cloverdale Surrey office is easily accessible from Langley, Delta, and White Rock. Online IFS therapy is also available across British Columbia.
When the Inner Critic Feels Exhausting
If self-criticism feels constant, harsh, or difficult to escape, IFS therapy can help you understand what it is protecting and why. Many people seek therapy not to silence their inner voice, but to stop feeling at war with themselves.
Contact us or fill out a New Client Form to be matched with one or more of our therapists. If you’re ready, book a free consult or appointment.
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Not necessarily. In IFS, self-criticism is often understood as a protective strategy that developed for a reason. Therapy helps update how it operates.
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No. IFS therapy works toward understanding and rebalancing the critic, not removing it.
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What if my self-criticism feels overwhelming?
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Yes. Insight is valuable, but IFS focuses on how parts relate to one another, not just on understanding their origins.
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Disclaimer: The content on this website is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or mental health advice. It is not a substitute for professional care. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.